I'm writing to inform you of an omission from your 'Contented Little Baby Book', which I noticed at 3.35 am this morning. The section detailing 'what to do if the baby totally ignores the schedule' is missing, would you believe? As is the 'what to do if the baby boxes your chin like a mini Muhammad Ali whilst trying to head butt you in the manner of a very angry drunk person'.
I'm currently sporting shredded pyjama bottoms from pacing the bedroom floor all night (think Robinson Crusoe, not nineties Westwood), not to mention the bleeding thumbs from desperately leafing through your ever so 'useful' tome one trillion times. The cover, which I've redesigned with marker pen, now reads 'Discontented Little Maniac Book' and I've made a thousand roaches out of rest of it for when I take up smoking marijuana as soon as 'baby sleeps through the night'. Pah. If in eighteen years time, I become an aged hippy who reminisces about House music, glow sticks and the invention of Isabel Marant platform trainers whilst gently rocking in my arm chair to the repetitive rhythmic beat of Pitbull featuring Marc Anthony, it will be your fault. Okay?
Best wishes
Etc etc
No comments:
Post a Comment