Tom, I aint gonna lie but there's no point sending your entire SS12 collection over this season. I’m so sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve like totally gained. You’re probably muttering ‘jeez, this would NEVER happen to Claudia, Victoria, Natalia, blah blah blah’, and the truth is I know but I JUST COULDN'T STOP NOSHING! The moment that blue line appeared it was all about eating as much as I physically could. I was ravenous. I had no self control. Even my Spanx have walked out in disgust.
Where had this hunger been hiding, Tom? Not in my Stella tuxedo pants that’s for sure. In the manner of Mila Jovovitch (allegedly) I gained 35 kilos. That’s a whopping five and a half stones. That’s like carrying Natasha Poly on my back for nine months. Man alive, I didn’t just gain; I gained an entire supermodel! Yes, I ate*, but not as much as those dudes on 'America's Biggest Loser'. I'm as shocked as you are, and agree, I've let myself and the whole Goddamn front row down.
Best Wishes
Etc etc..
*Approx pregnancy food diary...
7am: get up, gag, eat two toasts, gag. 9am: gag, pop to Starbucks on way to tube, eat a granola bar, gag. 9.15am: gag, get off tube, gag, pop to Pret, eat a croissant, gag. 11am: gag, back to Pret, eat a hummus sandwich, gag. 12 noon early lunch of soup, another sandwich and quick nap in disabled loo. 2pm: gag, second lunch of veggie sushi, big box mind, head on desk for twenty minutes, wake up, gag. 4pm: packet of crisps and possibly a baked potato, gag. 6pm: a medley of carbohydrates. 6.15pm: bed.
Taking into account the lack of sprog, perhaps I ought to reign in the "carb medley" and pret pit-stops.
ReplyDeleteIs there a "shovel heaped spoonful of hazelnut spread" hiding in there...? May need to cut back on those too.
Wondering how it's possible I can still see my feet.